Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is an advice column known for its fearless approach to reality-based subjects. Ask Deanna! can be heard every Sunday on KTYM AM 1460 at 3 p.m. in Los Angeles, California.

Dear Deanna!

My husband’s old affair is tearing me apart. First we had one child and then another one before we got married. I later learned he had an affair with a woman that stroked his ego during my first pregnancy. He claims it was one time but the way she stalked him, harassed us and bothered us for a few years made me doubt it. He confessed when the phone calls started and but I still can’t get the affair out of my mind when I look at him.

Anonymous

Online Reader

Dear Anonymous:

You set yourself up for drama by getting pregnant without the wedding ring in the first place. You can’t lay too much blame on his actions because he wasn’t officially your man.  If this is in the past, you need to leave it there. Unless he’s doing something that’s current then get over it. You’re causing yourself pain and agony from an old wound. Seek professional or spiritual counseling to get to the root of your pain, squash it and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!

I saw my pastor shopping with the church checkbook. I could see the church logo, name and everything on the outside cover. A clerk was trying to refuse the check because it was a business check and required signatures. My pastor pulled rank and said he was authorized. Then he signed two signatures, winked at me and told me to turn the other cheek.  What do I do about this?

Sylvia M.

St. Louis, MO

Dear Sylvia:

You sure that wasn’t Jim Baker? Your pastor is a thief setting a bad example for the congregation. The pastor knew this was wrong especially if he advised you to look the other way. What part of Exodus 20 Verse 15 Thou Shall Not Steal doesn’t he understand? Pray for your pastor and God’s guidance as you report this to the church governing board. Telling is not between you and man, but you and your dedication to God and protecting His house.

Dear Deanna!

My brother acts nice, loving and sincere when he’s in public. However, he tells a lot of lies, curses and verbally abuses his spouse behind closed doors. My family ignores him and looks the other way. It’s hard for me to ignore his huge lies because we share the same crowd. When I make a negative comment or tell the truth, people call me a liar.  Now that I’m exposing him, people are accusing me of being a hater. What do I do?

Tired of Lies

Tampa, FL

Dear Tired:

It’s strange that you would want to expose your brother instead of dealing with him personally to help him. Trying to cause embarrassment and airing his dirty laundry is not the solution. Your brother has a self-esteem issue and a lying problem. You can give your brother a gift of love by paying for a life coach so he can address, sort and fix his issues. There’s no value or benefit from family destruction. Therefore, if you’re not willing to help then mind your business.

Dear Deanna:

I’m in college and me and my peers have the same issues. We’re short on money, have to do odd jobs to buy gas and we pool our money to buy food. Things are working out with the exception of one friend that isn’t pulling her load. She rides in the car with us and eats the food but we noticed that she isn’t contributing to the fund. We all have seen her with new clothes and manicures. How do we tell her that she needs to pay her money or she’s out of the group?

Carla

Pensacola, FL

Dear Carla:

You guys are on the right track as you’ve realized early on that there is strength in numbers. You need to carefully document all the agreed upon activity within the group and demonstrate her lack of participation. Have a face-to-face discussion once you’ve verified a few things and can determine if her shortcomings are legit or bogus. If she’s been getting over, then your friend is a freeloader and let her know that she needs to pay her way or get out of the group. .

Editor’s note. To reach Deanna, E-mail her at askdeanna1@yahoo.com or isit her website at www.askdeanna.com.