Ask Deanna! Is an advice column known for its fearless
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over 40 and look very good for my age. I date younger men, love younger men and
prefer intimacy with younger men. My daughter who is 20 years old is jealous of
me and at times, we’ve competed for the same love interests. She’s not speaking
to me now because her boyfriend left her and now he wants to date me. My daughter
is important but she can’t control my love life. Should I just let this young man
go to make her happy or keep him?
Good Looking Mom
Los Angeles, CA
Dear Good Looking:
may look good for your age, but there’s nothing cute about scooping up your
daughter’s leftovers. She’s right to be upset and no man should make you this
foolish to not understand her feelings. You’ve obviously mistaken her
embarrassment for jealousy. You need to grow up and be the parent in this
relationship and put your daughter’s concerns before any man. In other words,
don’t be nasty going behind your daughter and choose her instead of her
boyfriend. And for the record, Cougars belong in the zoo and not on the street.
made the mistake and tried to help a friend that got evicted from her apartment.
She has three children and I feel as if I’m living in a tornado. These kids
have no home training, constantly spill food and are always dirty. I’m really
losing my mind because you would think they were deaf the way the television is
on full blast. The way my home looks and the stress I feel makes me willing to
lose the friendship if I kick her out. What do I do?
may be more to the story of why she got evicted in the first place. If you
value your sanity and possessions, help her plan her next move. Be mature and
have a discussion without placing the blame on the children and express your
desire to reclaim your space. Have a few applications available and some cash
to speed the process. This approach should save your friendship and also get
the tiny terrors out the door quick, fast and in a hurry.
a Christian and I thought I was happily married. I think my husband may be
having an affair with my cousin. He hasn’t displayed any signs of cheating nor
has his behavior changed. I looked at his cell phone bill and see that he’s
been calling my cousin on a more than regular basis. It pushed me over the edge
when I came home late one night and found him at my cousin’s house eating pizza
and watching movies. Is there something going on or am I insecure?
amazing that as a Christian you have the Word, but run when the world slaps you
with a test of faith. Your husband doesn’t need to call your cousin or any
woman unless it’s business. He should also be home late at night. Yes something
is going on if you didn’t know where he was and found him at your cousin’s
house. Share your concerns and suspicions with your husband, suggest a few rules
concerning your cousin and keep it moving.
want to have a baby but my boyfriend is against it. He wants to wait until we
get married but he has no plans to propose soon. He has threatened that he will
leave me if I trick him and come up pregnant. My clock is ticking and I want a
baby before I get too old. I don’t understand what the problem is and I am
willing to end this relationship if things don’t change soon. How do I express
the seriousness of this baby issue with my boyfriend?
relationship is missing the word marriage. Your boyfriend doesn’t have the
title of husband and going ahead with your baby plan equals ignorance. Your
boyfriend should realize he can’t be tricked into pregnancy if he protects
himself especially if your little clock is ticking. If he hasn’t proposed on
his own will, pregnancy won’t change his intent or urgency. Face it, he’s not
interested in a baby or marriage right now and you can either love it or leave
work two jobs because my wife got laid off. She’s never satisfied and when I
think about it, I’m breaking my neck and she spends money left and right. I don’t
have a problem with this, but if she wants to have her glamorous lifestyle, she
needs to get a job. When I approach her, she claims she can’t find work but she’s
not looking. I’m tired and want to rest but also want to keep my wife happy but
don’t know how.
her down, close your wallet and take the credit cards immediately. If your wife
won’t work, then you need to make her an item on the budget and give her a
monthly allowance. Once her money runs out, then oh well, she’s stuck until the
next cycle or until she gets a job. This may not make your wife happy but at
least you’ll still be around to see her.
husband is addicted to internet pornography. I feel very insulted because it’s
rude and disrespectful. We’ve argued often because I’ve asked him to entertain
himself with the computer when I’m not around. He will access things on the
screen while I’m in the room and I can’t take it. The cost and charges on our
credit cards and bank account is another story. What do I do before this ruins
my marriage which I see happening?
can solve this problem in five minutes and never leave your home. Call your
telephone company and have your telephone service disconnected because without
phone service, your husband can’t access the internet. Be sure to have a cell
phone handy and prepare for the storm. Take this opportunity to suggest
counseling and if the phones come back on, your husband has to choose between
you or the cyber chicks.
spend a lot of time being friends with women, listening to their problems and
just being a great guy. I’m in a situation with a friend that I now want a
relationship with but she isn’t interested. Once I made my feelings known she
has basically kicked me to the curb. I can’t understand why she took my money,
used my car and came to me with all of her problems but won’t date me. What did
I do wrong?
San Diego, CA
got played which is what insecure women, a few wives and silly girls do to the
good men out there. You fell victim to a woman that wanted a guidance counselor
and financial provider without any loving. These women are fine as long as they
get what they want without giving up anything. Consider yourself blessed to be
out before your credit was ruined and you were left looking foolish with a
what point do you give up on a spouse that can’t get up and make things happen.
I’ve sacrificed so many of my dreams and goals to support my husband. I’ve had
job offers in other states, business opportunities and more. I felt sorry for
being a high achiever so I always stayed at a certain level so he would shine.
The years have gone by and he’s burned out but my opportunities are still
available. Is it a problem if I go for it?
the shoe were on the other foot, he would leave you in the dust and hope to
meet you at the finish line. You’re a team and all rewards should be shared so
it doesn’t matter who has the title of superstar. If your husband hasn’t
complained, this is a reflection of your feelings that are way off base. Unless
you want to be dusty looking in a mirror of failure, you have the answer and
should take the leap forward with no turning back..
Editor’s note: Ask Deanna! is written by Deanna M. Write Ask
Deanna! via email at firstname.lastname@example.org, write to DeannaM, 264 S. La Cienega,
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