Ask Deanna!By: Deanna
Dear Deanna!
I’m In the middle of a bad divorce
and Iʼm still intimate with my ex-husband. Although we didnʼt get
along, couldnʼt build a life or raise our family together, we were able to bond
physically. The reason weʼre divorcing is due to outside affairs with
other people, financial problems and marrying too soon. I want to move on
with my life but for some reason, manage to keep this part of the relationship
going. Am I wrong for doing this?
Worried Divorcee Atlanta, GA Dear Worried: Sex is the fuel for a
relationship and not the glue. If youʼre divorcing your husband, you need
to immediately cut all physical ties. Youʼre short changing yourself by
giving him your body because itʼs obvious he didnʼt respect you as a wife and
wonʼt respect you as a homey lover friend. Learn from your mistakes and if
you must have a man, be a better judge of character and find one that will
respect you more than your husband and keep it moving. Dear Deanna:
My sister listens to music that
is vulgar and explicit. She listens to any type music and doesnʼt care
that sheʼs exposing her children to adult lyrics and content. Her children
are now beginning to repeat the lyrics and she gets upset and shouts at
them. She canʼt see that theyʼre simply repeating and singing the
songs. Other than turning off her music, what other options are there?
Anonymous Seattle, WA Dear Anonymous: Your sister is ignorant and using
bad judgment on this simple common sense issue. Obviously sheʼs not a
rocket scientist and should see her kids are imitating art. In this case,
the bad art of explicit lyrics. Write the lyrics to some of her music and
give it to her on a sheet of paper. When she looks at this mess in black
and white, perhaps sheʼll have a change of heart and be more of an adult when
it comes to what she listens to around her children. Dear Deanna!
My girlfriend is a woman with a
cute face but sheʼs voluptuous and doesnʼt understand that all fashions arenʼt
suitable for her. I love her and think she looks good in most things but
not everything. Itʼs hard for me in public when people stare at her or snicker
and make rude remarks. When I address this issue we argue. Please
give me some options because Iʼm tired of being embarrassed and my suggestions
arenʼt working?
Matthew Boston, MA Dear Matthew: Your partner has a mental problem
because she probably has a size 18 shape with a size 5 outlook. This is
not cute and you need to offer Jenny Craig or a shopping spree. If she
still refuses then you need to flip the script and approach her weight issue
from a health perspective and encourage her to lose weight. If not, just
be there because her feelings will get hurt really good one day if she still
insists on walking around looking like a sausage.
Dear Deanna!
One of my friends has the bad habit
of talking about people. I donʼt have a problem until she starts being
loud and the person she talks about can hear. Weʼve had quite a few fights
and embarrassing situations because of her mouth. Now that she has this
reputation of being a trouble maker, people are thinking Iʼm the same
way. My friends step away when I show up and they think I gossip and start
trouble as well. Iʼm torn between two sets of friends and need help.
Anonymous Ventura, CA Dear Anonymous: You know good and well that
youʼve tossed your two cents into the game a few times and now you want to run
and hide. The best thing you can do is tell your friend to grow up and
have some discretion if she chooses to talk about people. If she canʼt
take your advice, sheʼs not a friend and, unless you want to borrow trouble,
you should only deal with her one-on-one or on the phone. Also, if she
canʼt say anything good about people, she should be quiet. Dear Deanna!
I’ve spent quite a bit of money
on dates and dining trying to get a relationship but I get nothing in
return. I try to hold on to chivalry and follow the rules on dates. I’m
a perfect gentleman at the movies and at dinner and I pay for everything. I’m
tired and now feel that women need to get with the program and spend as
well. I’m tired of watching other men do the same. How do I let a
woman know I want to date her but I’m not willing to part with my money too
soon?
Roger Davis Atlanta, GA Dear Roger: If you’re complaining then it’s
obvious you’re trying to be impressive by spending money you don’t have. If
“getting something” drives your motivation for dinner and dating then you got
what you deserved. Nothing. You should lead by
example. Before your next date have a money discussion and determine
who’s paying or if you’ll go. It’s none of your business how other men
spend their money and you shouldn’t hate the player or the game.
Dear Deanna!
My husband had gastric by-pass
surgery and heʼs a new man. The only problem with this is that heʼs a new
man for everyone but me. He has become so confident, outspoken and
charming that he seems like a different person. When I say something about
his behavior he gets upset. He accuses me of keeping him fat all through
the years and that I donʼt want him to be happy. Our marriage is headed
for disaster and I donʼt know how to get through to him.
Frantic Wife Baton Rouge, LA Dear Frantic Wife: There were problems in your
marriage before your husband stopped being a fat boy. Now that the weight
is no longer an issue, heʼs confident and coming out of your shadow, his
insecurities are gone and heʼs doing things he enjoys. You should
celebrate his weight loss and be proud to start on a new journey and new
chapter in both your lives. Otherwise, youʼll be in the corner with a
silly look on your face and when he leaves you wonʼt know what hit you.
Dear Deanna!
I was the other woman in a
relationship and now that I have the man, itʼs not all I thought it would be. We
are living together and Iʼve learned that heʼs a slob, his finances arenʼt
right and I got fooled by what I thought was a fantasy. I see his wife all
the time and she looks happy and I feel miserable because of what I did to her
as well as the situation Iʼm in. I want to tell this man to go back to his wife
but he thinks things are fine. How do I tell him my true feelings?
The Other Woman On-Line Reader Dear Other Woman: Boy oh boy, did you get fooled
thinking somebody elseʼs grass was greener on the other side. Actually you
got what you bargained for because you had no business with someone elseʼs
husband. You should feel bad because you wrecked someoneʼs home, messed up
your life and heʼs probably on his way to cheat with someone else. As for
the wife being happy, you did her a favor by making it easy to get rid of him. You
made your bed hard now sleep in it! Dear Deanna!
My 20-year-old daughter had been
living with her dad and his wife. He informed her that she would have to
move out at the end of year so she didn’t pay her car payment for two
months. She has a job but her car got repossessed and although I’m in a
bad place myself with two minor daughters, I tried to support her. My
daughter is now angry with me, which is making me feel guilty. Am I wrong
to feel guilty about my daughter’s situation?
Anonymous Los Angeles, CA Dear Anonymous: Your husband had the right idea
of making your daughter responsible. At age 20, there’s no excuse
for not paying her own bills so losing the car is her fault. As a mother
you feel her pain but as an adult you have to allow her to mature, make
mistakes and grow up. Realize that your daughter is an adult while you
focus on the small kids. On another note, your daughter should be in
college so she can become independent and eventually not rely on anyone for
financial support.
Editor’s note: Ask Deanna is
written by Deanna M. Write Ask Deanna! Email askdeanna1@yahoo.com, write to Deanna M, 264 S. La
Cienega, Suite 1283, Beverly Hills, CA 90211 or visit her website www.askdeanna.com.
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